DEAR LADIES;

So when do you want to be told to leave? When do you want the go away whistle to be blown so you pack and leave this man?

Someone is about to stop reading his article after this question but I seriously mean it. I think I should even claim copy rights to this statements owing to the many times I have asked this. I am tired of counseling and being there for tones of girls who in my eyes I would call fools for pouring acid on their wounded hearts by hanging on to men who would well of provide script content in a horror movie.

You have had chase for a long time and at the heat of hanging out hanging inside happens. There is the next day conversation maybe of a text with a smiley or ’it was awesome, heavenly and all words with an, it was good meaning. He never replies this, you wait till evening, call he doesn’t pick this goes on for awhile and then the caring you goes into depression trying to imagine what might have happened to him, sleepless nights, long work hours and restless sit ins characterize your day but you dutifully send numerous am worried, I love you, I miss you, are you ok?, did I do something texts, calling as though you are calling the ever busy phone network customer care. Girl! Snap out of it, he got what he wanted and you lay in his to be forgotten bin. By now someone is fidgeting giving me the ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybes.’ But I’ll shamelessly tell you a man who wants and loves you will look for you even if it takes him a full page advert in the missing person section!

Next is a girl who has had a relationship with a guy for quite sometime then the lucky male specimen wins the race and she is pregnant. She relays the’ ‘we need to talk’ message and breaks the news to him. He maybe smiling or maybe blowing your head off in his imagination. Confused no way forward message is relayed and in your motherly heart you decide to keep the baby. Good. I say .life is precious but is a baby a ring? is it a commitment certificate binding both of you together? No it is not. Someone is cursing me .but I know you know it is true. So he becomes a man and pays for your delivery and agrees on upkeep money. But as time goes you are continually asking, what’s wrong? you seem distant’ ,or the ‘I miss past times’ and calling him baby ,honey and all edible sweet things while he sticks to your baptismal name ,replying no text picking occasional calls and being too busy. Your friends are telling you they spotted him, hapa kule but you still hold on nagging every juice in him and appearing everywhere you know he is like a debt collector .gal snap out! Concentrate on your bundle of joy and making you happy and better than he found and let you. Sorry, but he likes none of you. A man that loves you or at least his child will not just provide monetary support he will jump high and try scoop the sun when it is too cold just to keep both of you warm.

I am the devils advocate because I deeply think that we trouble ourselves too much for men who do not even care a hair string about us. Truth is if he wants you he will find the axis and rotate on it to find you. If you let him be let him find his way let him draw his house build it and live in it then he may have time to look for you of course that is if he needs you. A quote I like says, let him go if he comes back he is yours if he doesn’t then he was never meant to be. And if he loves you he will look for you.

I AM

i am not my paternal home area
not my maternal either
i am not the schools i went to
i am not the clothes i buy
i am not the car i use
i am not the service provider i use
i am not the food i eat

i am not off the decisions i have no control over.

i am the hair i wear
i am the shoes i wear,the knickers i flare'
the clothes i desire
i am the hygiene percentage u see in my lifestyle

yes i am the decisions i make
i am not the similarities you compare me to
or the judgements you make of me

for you live not not in me
you asketh not from me
dont lie to me
u judged me
when you first saw me,
my hair,my accent,my diet,my.my.me

i am the decisions i make
not what my decisions seem

MY SUPER MAN (RE-POST)

His simple stare and am in dismay-
His first words and I my tummy churns
Turns my head when he asks my name
A fear, a tear an idea
To answer to flatter or to alter

None of my sane
Can decide
How is he so divine?
He has all his words right
His hold so tight
His heart so light
His love so mine

Confused, difused, infused
In space I go tho of satellites I know not

I see and feel him around me
Like the Saturn rings
I hear him form his heartbeat
His beats so rhythmic
Ad tap and sing
Maybe wink at it

I see ice cream all over him
I smell vanilla all over him
I want to devour him whole
I don’t want to
He might not have a reproduction
A clone they say

Mine mind
My thighs
My kind
Served hot arranged neat for him to devour

Fax me his like
So I get it all right
I want him to fork and knife
Dip and slice
Let the juice drip
Let him, it, lick
With small bites
Nibbles and smiles
Chuckles and snuggles
Let the moon fade away the sun rise and set

NO...LADY,NO!

Your decisions
Toward me Your actions
Sends reactions in billions
A thoughts auction proven.
Am tempted to jump of a cannon
Maybe get a frenchan, Welshman, wireman or sportsman
Just clear the destruction in my colon
The popping of my buttons
My words to you like cartoon actions
You have chosen
My ears to deefen
My feelings to deaden.
Steal my diction
And my day darken

Guilt driven, phobia engine
Dislike drunken
Feels like a frozen someone
My homo, a virgin
Written I don’t do women
Rude, but it is as it is written.
I love you but the confusion





Nutzing
Only your decision




Not mine-ay
Don’t change i
I love me men many!

HOUSE SPEAKER ,REALLY? REAR-LY....

If you want to know how much of a looser someone is look at how much truth and rational they expel or shy away from. There we go again hating the truth and adoring crapiola,adoring the very things that put no food, buy no clothes or pay rent. We are a feel good people .. truth is ,actually fact is WE HATE THE TRUTH.
I said this first and most in my social networks almost came for my blond head. Am alive you kow, and I will push on saying we are abit too focus less , cheated and definitely a society in denial of truth.

So am walking home last night and I get a call from a pal who is in the media asking me how and why I havent called to react to the new ban. And being the anti news I am I dint know what she was saying until I got home and watched the news only to hear that radio Africa, kiss 100 f.m to be precise had been banned from covering parliament. I let out the biggest ‘you are bustards’ laughter. The kind you burst out on an idiots face.
I was even embarrassed to hear or accept the thoughts. For real? House speaker for real?

FACTS
Caroline mutoko;
1. Is a trend setter
2. Is a patriot
3. Is an opinion leader and harsh critic
4. Is sane and well educated
5. Besides knowledgeable she is wise
6. Is real
7. Is biased (yes she hold onto her opinion irrespective of the world)
8. She is a real woman, a warrior in making
9. She is focused
10. She has a vision for herself and the world she lives in
11. She dreams of the future and tries to move towards it
12. She is egocentric and egoistic but utado?
The list is endless, these are facts debate all you want but the truth is they are facts. This is a person who has chosen to try shape the generation for future leadership. She has chosen to work towards the future she dreams off. She has chosen not to lie ,to use and feed us with rubbish. Rubbish we can learn form the net, tutors and the world. She has left the bedroom to the bedroom realizing that we are not going to eat our marriages, pay rent with good and constant sex, we are not going to pay fees from bursting our cheating spouses and our country will not be run by perfect marriages and good sex.
I am not her biggest fan ,infact I only listen to her when she is talking politics she makes it juicy, real and rational, the rest of the times she talks to much for a person who is not very talk friendly in the morning but I am definitely a believer in her drive to live the dream. I said in fact number 7 she is biased, I meant it she is. It is maybe her biggest flaw, she does not take opinions from others thus may come across as egocentric and egoistic .she might be wrong at times, she is human dah!. But most times she makes a lot of sense. She is a catalyst to a change process , a catalyst to sane an proper decision making.
She will embarrass you if you have Gucci suit and torn stocking she will yell if you have a torn undy when you are in a prada suit. She will pick you out queuing for relief food when you are a minister earning heavy bucks. Hate or love her she TRIES to maintain integrity, ethics, sanity and humanity in our society more so our leadership.
Am sure the very cowardice and some insane,greedy ,senseless and inhuman member(s) of parliament knows she will burst all your campaign bubbles full of lies, she will not watch you use your power to mislead or garner more power.she will look out for her listeners,maybe not all but most. She will preach all the truth she knows. She goes over board I agree but face it she is most time than not very honest. I watched as twitter and facebook critics supported the ban and went on to beseech her and compare her to other radio presenters who feed us with rubbish and I was like, ok.....i see where we are heaeded ... you know where? TO THE DOGS.
If only we would not see the thorn in the roses and see the roses among the thorns. I would have heard a party today, maybe missed coming to work in celebration had I heard sex, marriages and bedroom vyb were no longer to be broadcasted Now you know why I have earphones on in a boom twaff matatu in the morning Am not a show off, am not damn I just cant stand peoples issues I have my own and no solution Is given really just comparing how many more people have the same issues. I stick to radios that feed me with LOTS AND LOTS of good music and sane vyb or better yet my weird playlist serves me right, truth is people from mahinani listen to her a lot and if we are going to ban her then we are supporting the mashinani people to be misled by the *&^% mps especially now during referendum.
It’s sad that we are even having visions and dreams for our country, leadership and livelihood if we are against change catalysts and truth.

Wait, or is it sabotage from you know who, newly appointed mh.mh.mh, former colleague and now competitor. Working for countrywide radio..ha ha ,forget this me and gossip don’t do so well...

FINAL REACTION

Over the last few weeks I have realized the narrow side of the like me species in my country.
I saw the shallow side of our decision making process and reaction protocol.
I realized that we are too impatient to wait to the end
We react at the beginning bringing the show to a halt before it even advances it story line.
I am now losing my trust in the me species to make decisions.

We only see one word out of a 2000 words article and there we are overworking our reaction process and ready to cause terror.
We are deceived by a crack in a building that makes us call the undertaker to unearth people already dead in our minds and ‘prophetic missions’. I mean a certain artist was in critical unresponsive condition in ICU, but a group of people was busy sending r.i.p messages all over. It took the interception of another artist to stop the r.i.ps’ but then again they still held their doubt of his survival.
The worst way to start a story to a Kenyan me like species is, the dress looks funny but you still look hot.” Advice start with the hot then funny otherwise you will have a rehearsed script of anger showering on you. I tried to critic via this channel and boy or boyola have I received my share of words or what. How else are rumors started anyway? Someone overhears or generally misinterprets an incomplete statement and passes it on to the world and being educated species we tend to spruce up vyb. I have been a victim of misinterpretation and ignorant reaction and my oh my…it sucks!
I am just thinking of the katiba that is going on currently and listening to some group of politicians and activists on the campaign trail and this is definitely the chain reaction that is going on. Before I read the constitution I was again a sheep being lead by a psychopath who had wrongly read the draft or reacted at the sight of one word. We saw the word abortion and without reading further or former we are all over like a kid who just learned a new word. I was so embarrassed after reading the draft and realizing how blind and ignorant I have been. Just when the discussions on the draft began as soon as I heard abortion and kadhis court was inputed I was already yelling no way! Trust me I now sound so silly but then damn.i was so bright.and that is the psychology some politicians know kenyans have and are using it to woo them into their camps.. over use one word and people follow you blindly.. People need to listen to the speeches to finality and read the constitution to finality then react
I know maybe know why I failed some exams. I still have my insha and composition books and I look back at them and realized how I gave the teacher 5 pages of figures of speech explaining what he asked not. I had been thoroughly infected by the react quick infection and as I look back now I realize the adverse effects of my ‘lifestyle’.
I have thus taken it upon myself to ‘preach’ or should I say abeg oh my people! We have to start the culture of reacting at finality. We need to severely make it part of our responsibility to transmit rightful and well thought information,it is our human and maybe life forensic duties to watch over our brother in all ways and this includes how we react and act. We need to learn how to read /scheme to finality before we react and act. We need to listen fully to our phone conversations or even music before we go on reacting, acting and even judging.
If a parent is reading this I hope you are having the oh oh moment of realizing where your kids rebellion starts form .maybe you have had them say they feel misunderstood and you are now sure they say so. We see them in a single piercing but go on beseeching without proper communication.i believe strongly that there is a reason for everything ,it maybe is not African but definitely we need to open up our communication channels in our homes,workplaces and even social life. Hearing people out is definitely a huge peace bringing mission as well as a unity stronghold.
Sanity has to be restored .it is better to look like a fool because you are quiet than open your mouth and confirm it.

kwani open mic 411

after a long battle with the very unpredictable kenyan weather it was 6 oclock time to bizaounce form the office...quite early i must say. i was leaving after having a fight or say,stand off with someone...not in the office though on cyber space.technology can be a way for people to fight over misunderstandings and yadi yadi yara

anyway before i knew it i was in town ready for THE kwani open mic,
from the word go this one was different ,
there was alot of hype about this particular event especially on twitter and a tard on #fb i am used to talking about it on the wednesday after its done and guys go like, "oh tell me when the next one is"

i was excited about this one infact it was more exciting owing to the fact it would have been the first,yap the first kwani i have attended without me taking to the stage. its like my 7th ,almost...
i am walking up the stairs and am listening to cindy welcoming the next guest so clearly and i even get to hear the poet starting out. if i was a 'hustler' i would just sit at the stairs and enjoy the perfomance ,my first applause .great sound. i mean the last time we had an artist album launch at sounds the sound was HORRIBLE if even at the foremost you could hear nothing.

i get to the door and warm mr.manager is there to welcome people *read supervise money handling* after giving ceasar his dues am in,
my first turn to the left and i meet @wamathai looking all cheerful and right there a conversation begins,this is one focused guy who is going places i must say at this time mc cindy is chanting something away and @muniu taps me to ask me to practice what i preach...ti hi hi...yes sir i have to at this point is where i meet a guy who i later know is @ngengy

taking the water i preach i rush off to find a spot in the classroom, classroom is where the focused poetry lovers go sit (as mochama,steve,paulo and some hoards nickname it) i.e people who are there to listen and clap when asked too i mean some even have notebooks. trust me when you are on stage you want to focus on this guys they look so interested in whatever is coming out of your mouth .before i get there i am met by kennet B my whagwaan brother.i remember he was my first poet i featured at BC. before long i am at smokers zone.

today the club is FULL,unusually FULL. i am used to having enough space to have a roadshow truck parked somewhere but i like. the ambience is great,the energy is on another level. i sit at smokers and the ladies join me later@katyynyamz @dkathambi they find me mid chanting kennet Bs' poem and am not the only one there is a guy behind me saying word by word well almost all . i look around and actually people with beer bottles on one hand adn a cigarrette on the other are listening laughing at every joke and cheering at every punch line. talk of inspiring a poet.

next is immah who really dint get much attention especially from muthurwa and i love the bartender ..these are zones at kwani ,muthurwa is 4 hip hop guys and poets fans or escorts these are the harsh critics who will boo if you bore them *read dont understand what you are saying * and i love the bartender is the place where guys who are just there to hang out chill and as it was most tweeps were there..maybe it was coincedence or deliberate. but oh well ..

people rated the event according to where they sat..
one @olivermathenge tweeted about too much noise as sharonna seemed to quote each punchline from each perfomer.

the perfomances were great @wanjikumwaurah @wanjeri gakuru were among the female 'veteran' poets to perform there were a couple of new shots who i must unless you know what you are doing please stick to your seats i must mention one who gave us a testimony of his poetry life,or what was that ? and kwani sure does know to give due where its worth cause i could almost count the people who were listening ...
kennet b,number 8,nemesis were among the male ol poets and tony mochama the sic head but passionate poet was there too. and if you dont understand smitta,please dont bitch about him being stupid you look stupid to those who know him, this is to the couple i was near who were busy describing smitta in all words that describe dimwitts.

i must mention chatting progressed and grew with time but i have to be real no poet was subdued and i dont remember hearing any one of them say keep quiet or listen or whatever else that means please listen to me.. if there was please please remind me ASAP.

but here comes the cream of the event there was an incentive 4 the non poetry lovers.. @antoneosoul was performing and i was glad to see @andrew wa mvua who its about time he quit backyard singing and after number 8 curtain raising for him ,@antoneosoul together with his band took to the stage amidst screams and chants of nyenje !nyenje!nyenje which are his way of telling off people*inside joke*. he keeps our music glands waiting as a comedian who is part of his band ,see me you read simiyu takes the stage and TOTALLY cracks us up...tell me of any dry joke he said if you thought he was boring. anyway finally anto takes the mic and you guy! i was sooooooo impresssed,entertained i was in love....his voice,the band and crowd energy was almost a perfect blend actually it was a great blend. nikundyalala was maybe what most people rem.but am sure the other songs sipped deep into your musical glands ,the tribute,tiga kumute to kplc was osome but brief....anto,we want more of that jam.LOL. i must note.
i would go on and on but did you see how the crowd however excited to meet their pals was so engaged and entertained..? *rhetoric question*

it had it blurps but the poetry and music which was agenda of the night was well served. attribute to focused ,precise and targeted,great sound ,great poets and focused attendants but off course if you were seated at i love the barman area you will disagree with me because you heard almost zero...from where i perched it was Osome.

i am bad at meet and greets but i was greatful for all the people especially tweeps i met...xoxo @mkaigwa woop!woop! @warothe challenged my brain while @jamesmurua analyzed my writing @missfattyfatfat ....@locococomoco just lovely we did quite abit of comedy script writing seriously out chats were off the railway... i spotted @mwanikih in the house and am growing tall i must say.@buggz79 had his lines all buttered up to melt and crack me up.. many more people i met forgive me 4 not mentioning all.

kudos poetry event goers. kudos to the poets..and antoneosoul album chep chep! you have a fan /supporter number !

i heard there is a poetry event this friday well lets wait and see bout that details later...

xoxo

IDENTITY BATTLE

I was sure by the time I woke up, the pain would be less
I was sure I would want to take back the words I said last e\night
I was sure my eyes would be white, tiny and normaliaa
But I was humiliated by my own thoughts
I woke up so sore,
My heart seemed like a wound, every beat expelling pain
I showered but couldn’t feel my body
The light hurt my eyes they were burning and tearing
I looked at the mirror and I have never met the person I saw,
I empathized, sympathized
Red eyes, swollen obese eyes, pink nose, and an empty stare

Such was what I could describe to feel
However much more remains undescribed-able
Much more remains unspeakable

I remember trying to read his lips
Hoping that my mind and ears were hearing things
Hoping that my imaginary friend was talking not him

I could related with the dead, deaded by stabbing
I felt a knife, a bullet of words cut through my flesh and
Into depths within

I could tell he was afraid of saying the words he did
I could tell he had been made to say them
I could almost see the voice behind his words and actions
I could tell there were timid actions but firm intentions
I saw his eyes run to his glasses and scare my eye contact away

I tried making him see how I saw it
I wanted him to peep into life through my hole
Take my angle and see the image I saw
I wanted him to feel what I felt inside
Wanted him to see my senses
But no sense came through

I love me
I love me now better than yesterday
But guess what’s he hates the me I love
Hates the way I look
Cares less about how he feels
Cares more about how the world will see him and his descendants
He worships the world so I now believe
Hurt your very own and please the world, your perfect world. .is his world religious mission










Both of you!!!!!, tear me apart
I struggle to love me
Struggle to want me
Struggle to accept me
But it is futile
You shoot it all down.
You have a picture in your mind
A picture you want me to be
A picture you don’t wish I be but demand I be
A picture you think describes what you teach as seen by the world

The force that was behind him was afraid to face me
Knows I will fight worse than an irritated cat
Asleep she is, ruling and ordering from behind.

She arises late, hoping I have left so she doesn’t have to face me
I scratch and yell when I am irritated
But this time it is beyond….i am rendered powerless by my own anger energy
So strong

Why won’t they ask why I do what I do?
Why won’t they see it from my angle?

I cried last night,
Worse than a bereaved, I wailed till I slept
I tried swallowing hard so the pain would ease
I tried eating, drinking away but the pain intensified,
Last night
Was the next round of a consequence of identity fights

So he said, it is a rule and it is final
And I said I hate him
He touched the part I request the world not to touch
I hate you.
I hate that you try making me your perfect dream
I hate the girl in your head you want me to be

Quit my job? Hell no
I am not ending up like you
I will caretaker at the office if I have to, if you kick me out for not quiting
Change my looks to what again?
Denounce me if you wish,
I will not be a devil I prada
I refuse to be the girl at the corner who hates herself
Hates her life and loves the song
When I grow up I want to be, have, go…
I am being having and going now…..

I will take a plane, a bus, a bike
Do exactly as your threat detects
My way or step out
The latter is my choice
And meet me in heaven
Adious amigos mes parentosas.

And when I grow up
I want to be like you
Insensitive, foolish, hurtful and an enslaver

A cat has nine lives
The cat in me has been killed 6 times
2 more to go….and I am not going to stand there
And let you watch me burn

MAKE OVER UPDATE

its a freakn cold day
i hate how the weather is so unpredictable here,yesterday was soo damn hot then today i decide to dress for warm weather and SUPRISE it is so freaking cold....dont be deciveved i have a long skirt but the slit is defying gravity quite abit. my cleavage on the other hand is planning to host a mass parade in protest of exposure to unfriendly weather conditions
it is all part of the make over i told you about,twins! (am tyring to explain to my exposed body parts what is happening,they get very hard and pinchy*read painfull* when no brought up to par)

anyway maybe yesterday marked another huge leap in my make over journey.
i got my hair dyed in the brightest of shades.

i woke up in the morning
and i looked at the mirror with the expression 'do i know you?'
the perfectionist in me had issues here and there ,but the very understanding me prevailed and now am loving the look than ever before
my folks hadn't seen me until much later t the breakfast table and i watched my mums heart decide on beating or stopping.
all in all i bet now am fully makeovered' ,my hair is the most loved element of my beauty being and now it feels fresh and so do i.

i am still doing make up and grooming f.y.i...hala!

feel new,feel good but always feel free..

THE SADDEST BIG SHOTS LOCAL FILM..

grab your popcorn,drink and sit back and enjoy the big shots film..
wait,,you earn too little to afford popcorn,
the only drink you maybe can access ,its free, but not guaranteed is water.
sit back,where? on the small cushion less couch, or on the bed that triples as couch,table and ironing board .

enjoy the movie
featuring the big shots,members of parliament.all 100 plus of them.
the movie has clips of sense,humor,emotional speeches and even non sense,actually alot of non sense
prepare to be tickled,angered,humiliated,oppressed and thoroughly harassed.
watch as creatures with heads operate minus the head contents also known as brains
did i say its a reality program? actually a horror reality film
it is a contest for who oppresses the viewer most ....or mostest
a contest of who leaves with the most possession and power

warning these creatures have no sense of humanity,pity,compassion and love
do not go out 4 autographs or t question any part of their actions
they know no word like looking out for another being
for all they know you can do nothing beyond fitch bit!@

they will shoot you in cold blood if you go near them
kill and bury you with no disregard if someone cares 4 u
if anything they know no other species of value besides them

watch them demand for a second and third round as you bite your nails and drink your sweat in hunger and dehydration
talk of professional teasers..you will drool and get angry all you want but thats just it drool and get angry....

its a unique movie they write the script,act it out ,sub if they wish and they act until the very end of their life. they cast themselves,direct it ,make up .....the whole nine yards is theirs to do
they are awarded or applauded by no one but they fight on with their acting.hate them love them they will laluta contuinua

i call it the most fictitious film because i have never seen anything like it in real life.

we from planet human need to find a way to stop these creatures from any further emotional,physical and mental torture....
am drained thinking of how

so 4 now i sit back and work my back off
so they can have enough money to produce another film
demand more and live best the way they know how.

saddest movie ever.
i vow not to have kids so they dont watch this horror film
i will vote yes for the constitution so i can have dual citizenship and so my kids dont watch this horror film and suffer
if it doesnt go through, am sorry mama,no grandchildren for you

POETRY EVENT

the yap i said THE kwani open mic July 2010 edition is here....
at 7pm club soundd along kaunda street..
featuring all your big names,and neo soul artist antoneosoul will be featured too..
come lets have a phenomenal experience together...


see you there

NOW TO WISH WAMATHAI A HAPPY BLOG BIRTHDAY

I got so caught up in fury and dissapointments i forgot to applaud wamathai for having consistently had a blog for a year..

i applaud all the poets who perfomed amidst the noise....
the organisation was well done,venue selection was well done too
the publicity was great and hence the amazing turnout..
the host,lovely dela was looking awesome..
kudos wamaathai..have many more

i have nothing butlove for wamathai and his blog....

GET A LIFE POETRY EVENT GOERS.....

poetry events are continually growing in kenya
every other day a new one is being born
every other day a poet is talking about a performance they are having
and poetry lovers continue to throng the events.
but something is wrong
something is terrible wrong

if you leave the event and ask what any one of them gathered you shall be met with stares and 'i cant remember what the name was but the lady in red really jazzed me' ask what was she talking about and you shall be met by 'i cant remember exactly but it had something to do with her heart ...it was deep' this is what you are likely to hear even when the poem was about flowers.

poetry events are now getting crowded not only by poets and poetry lovers but hang out ,chill out kind of people. these are the kind of people who want to wait for traffic to end in style or who want prices to come down with reduction of human traffic . these are people who want to do meet ups with all their facebook and twitter pals one each day. a.k.a pass time in a not am passing time kind of way.don't get me twisted i have nothing against meet ups ,i think its a cool way of putting a head to the thoughts you are exposed to on social networks.

these people will attend any low cost or free event even when they know not what its about or what it encompasses all together.these are the people you will find in a rugby match but have no idea when or what a try has been made,people you find in a poetry event asking the d.j to play a request catching up with their buddy's at their loudest voices,clapping at the sound of any intimate word even when the poem is about rape they cheer at the hear of the word sex.

they are the people i wish i would freeze at the entrance of poetry events,books launches or a listening party. they make me so frustrated both as a perfomer and lover of reading and listening to poetry..it beats me why a normal human being would come to a poetry event and talk all through,burst out loud with shouts at the waiter and making unnecessary ohs and has as he listens to his pals stories...come on don't be an idiot..there are hundreds of clubs you can go to you do not have to come to a poetry event to crowd and distract listeners and perfomers

yesterday i was at wamathai spoken word. it was well attended and during assessment am sure they will record maximum profits however in terms of impact i declare it total FAIL. call me hater but i know you know what i mean. there were to many bloggers who had more or less had found a place to have a meet and greet i mean from the facebook and twitter updates i saw no comment on any performance it was all about,so and so looks abc and so and so has said or done abc....GOSH.FOCUS guys focus...i felt crowded by idlers and unfocused guys i mean there are 4 other clubs around loita street they could go and do their agenda..i hated when they collectively burst out laughing when a perfomer was on stage and when we the listeners would turn to them the least they would do was a peace sign...get a life grown up idiots!

i got more mad when njeri wangari a veteran and one of the greatest poets took the stage and we couldn't hear a word she was saying because dimwitts were so loud in some heated argument..she had to not once,not twice and not thrice tell them to keep their tones down..at least she had enough authority and we got to hear one of her great pieces as the other one was drowned by people voices..i am not saying we don't talk i am saying keep the bloody tones down.. when jemedari a well known poet took to the stage i heard not even a single word he said in as much as i was at the front most adn considering how good he is...the first few poets were heard because i bet people hadn't warmed up but the rest were heard zero...when the very good looking ladies took to the stage we cheered them because they looked pleasing to the eye...GET A LIFE POETRY EVENT GOERS...

i am so disapointed and will continually be as long as poetry event continue being meet up joints and chill out zones...lets give what poetry events are due...watch def jam poetry events on you tube i mean even eye contacts would be heard if they dropped.
i say this with all the love i have for poetry ...you look foolish and idle when you attend a poetry event and hear nothing..

pass this to as many people as you can as we prepare to attend kwani open mic and the next wamathai,adel open mic...

xoxo
choozih the perfomer and warioH the poetry lover.....

poetry lovers event

a poetry event is here ..
Today Wednesday 30th of July 2010
secrets lounge on loita street from 7pm
dubbed wamathai open mic!

come interact with poets,bloggers and poetry lovers
experience a night of poetry and spoken word in the city
it end month so no excuse ,a hundred bob is all you need for this great experience.

see you there poets and poetry lovers

DAWA THE FILM

yesterday i got a chance to go and experiencing the viewing of dawa the film directed by mark kaigwa at goethe institute.




i got there a few minutes late and the screening had already began,i was greeted by the ever smiling and sweet @antoneousoul





you remember him from siri and sugar the t.v we exchange niceties and i head on to watch the film. i am later joined by a crowd of twitter family and bloggers and that definitely means alot of critic happens and mind gobbling debates. in one word AWESOME.

it is a great script directed by a very creative mind and produced by witty people. you might get a bit bored if your mind is not witty and you dot have a good taste for humor. that said you understand it is quite a hilarious production. i love the ugandan accent and the use of ugandan cast makes it all so funnier. the diversion from the norm reactions makes it very interesting. i mean,if you meet a cop the first thing you expect , you are on the wrong you do not expect to have him steal or con you or better yet introduce you to a witch doctor. the cultural yet contemporary relation of our day in day out lives makes it a good production to watch.

i recommend we follow him on twitter @mkaigwa and @dawathefilm for further updates on the same. you could also google dawa the film to get captions of the production.

i must mention the great support the film got from the directors mother, mrs.kaigwa. it meant so much to see her there and it definitely was a challenge to other parents ,kids however grown need you all the way.
the support from the twitter family as well as bloggers was sure a good sign and added so much depth and weight to the event.

i am a supporter of local productions but still the biggest critic of the same. kudos mark.

please pardon my lack of detailed critic i still have to watch the whole film to comment further .:) WATCH THIS SPACE

people ,their Definitions and self belief when it come to self amazes me

people ,their definitions and self belief when it come to self amazes me.

maybe i should start with a disclaimer,according to my faith and upbringing we are all beautiful and no one should state otherwise. thus the views expressed in this article do not reflect the views of my faith or upbringing a.k.a values

so yesterday am seated at home watching the very juicy match between England and germany which had totally taken me on a high,story for another piece. it was an emotional roller coaster and so during half-time there is no way i was going to have myself listening to the commentators who i have a million issues with the people who hired them ,truth be told they are rubbish,another story for another piece. there i was looking for distraction b4 the match resumed and viola something had caught my eyes.

i call it something because i couldn't as well make out what it really was. it was something long or should i say tall,swerving on a straight line and it was colorful. period! looking at the footer of the screen and i saw,"miss world contest........" wow,it was a modeling contest actually it was the miss world participant contest and so i now knew what the thing was,a model.

she seriously looked troubled by the clothes she was in which i heard her say were her own designs,they looked like she had met a cat and the hug didn't go so well. there were too many shreds . her makeup was what i call mosaic and collage on human skin.period .she was showing too much skin which is the only reason i think people were screaming at her.or they were extremely shocked at the sight of a walking scarecrow.

i think the judges were teasing her,why else would they continue asking her questions like,what would you do if you won?tell us about your designs,we have never seen them elsewhere?....the young lady then all smiles answered the questions with all conviction she had wowed them.

i watched a couple of other ladies walk or crawl through the runway and boy,i dont envy the judges.

what was even more interesting was the interview behind the scenes. the lady i described at first asked if she thinks she had proceeded to the next round she rolled her eyes and said"that is not a question baby.i won before my second step,i could tell" the well known fashionable host seemed as though her body was slowly tilting to collapse dead flat on the ground. i was in SHOCK.even my aging grandma would have had a good laugh with that one.

the only thing in my head at this point was,dont you get it? they are having comedy out of every word and thought from your brain?i seriously was dying to find out their definition of miss world contest because to me it seemed as though these girls were participating for the fact that they had extra high self esteem as well as having been told once by a person who maybe only wanted to take them to bed ,they are pretty gave them all the green lights to participate.

there was everything wrong with the ladies..the runway walk,shoes,hair,bags,clothes in that order were a disaster..i threw a shoe at a man who said his girlfriend who had a maroon rag on her head was the hottest..JESUS....men are liars! she looked as though she had her head stuck in a packet of flour.. i loved the expressions on the celeb status hosts who couldn't hide her burst out moments and shock here and there.

all i am saying,ladies we need to get a life sometimes..we believe in ourselves too much that we end up being so badly being hurt and feeling rejected when people are honest with us.


i am now going on a mission to trash any self confident look.its becoming too much

premier of the movie...today

Today is monday 28th of june 2010.
maybe you are counting down hours to five ,hoping the day would end like now.or if you are like me ,monday is your favorite day of the week then you are looking for a plot for the day.

here i present to you, today at 6.30 p.m at goethe institute on loita street .find me there looking glamorous as ever and meet lotsa other great people,the cast adn crew of dawa the film.

be my date make a point of coming...i am still looking for a date though.....see you all there....xoxoxoxo reader

make over update 2

hallo good folks,
i am writing this as i am suffering from severe bubbliness. God has a way of making the sun shine so bright when you are in a dark forest..say amen..

the makeover update is just awesome today. today i am feeling better than Naomi Campbell in a bikini,better than David Beckham in briefs .i feel awesome.i am in the royal color purple and for some reason it brings back the sexy back and gives me a thorough face lift or should i say body lift.

i took up advice and wore the thick waist line pants.and trust me the tummy is trim .i have tried the whole high pants,short tops and my figure is quite trimmed and lady like too.

i threw in the big earings ,chunky bracelets and rings and woohoo i feel awesome .

atleast for today i can report a positive feedback from the make over.

yours happily made over,chozih.xoxp

post make over crisis

so a couple of people have been at my neck complaining that i look ten years older.
beng!
not such a good feeling but yet again quite a good one to know that people take me as an adult being the kid i am.

i am however still struggling to comprehend what being too sophisticated and complicated means.
another beng!

i resorted to finding solutions to my now 'problem'

guaranteed there are things that would definitely be issues , dressing,hair,makeup and even posture.

just last evening i got what how i met your mother cast would call a convention from different parties though.there was even a buddy who mentioned innerwear ,i have no clue how he came to this

so today has been my premier of the make up and suprise

IT SUCKS!

i had to wear a sweater in place of a jacket
i have to survive without socks
and my showls /scarfs or blankets as they are being dissed are no where in existence

in short i am cold and feeling naked especially my feet which have been enjoying the luxury of my dads or brothers socks
my trench coat and showl are now unemployed thanx to this make over...not funny at all

2nd.
i wore make up ,i look and feel like a doll
then i have to keep reminding myself not to rub my eyes at every instance when i am stressed or want to think harder

3rd.
....still loading ..
i know i have a third complaint i cant put my hand on passee..

lets see if my 'date' will notice this make over
but i must mention i WANT man who takes and loves me in my socks ,grandmother jackets,boxers,makeupless face as long as am clean and i smell good.yap,I am a sucker for scents.

yours painfully
made over chozih. ting!

I WAS BLIND NOW I SEE

torn between believing in myself,pleasing the world and failing.
torn between right decisions,sane decisions and humane decisions.

such is the state the young patriotic person in me is facing.
there has been so much hulabaloo about the political realm in Kenya
i have eschewed any form of engagement leaving it to my old folks
and maybe interested elder siblings.

the media has been largely involved and in as much as it is one of my influences i seemed less bothered to involve in any for political vyb. but something has changed.

a few months back when the constitution /referendum began its process i was bored and annoyed at the state of its taking over the media. i thought oh well,they make the rules,we follow ,we break them,get punished and life moves on .

until i realized what you don't know or identify with will harm you as much as it won hurt you.i realized its not about the present its about the future.its about waking up tomorrow and cursing the angels for waking me up.

its not about the party now its about the boring lonely nights tomorrow the ugly streets,injustices,inequality..its about a hurtful tommorrow living like animals ,filth and sadness.

i realized i hold the key to my tomorrow.how i live and love tomorrow is in my hands,head and heart.i then grabbed me a FREE copy of the draft constitution and believe me or not read it like a novel. i remember it was lying on a desk at the office but i felt drawn to it,i couldn't wait for some free time to catch up on my constitution read. so i was in traffic next thing and i proudly and passionately pulled out my copy of the constitution..its ok by now to be doubting my sanity this part..

i started reading the first few words and i couldnt help but pull out my pink highlighter pen. i started underlining word per word in hip hop terms i started lighting up punchline after another.

i would really like to know what the aged man seated next to me was thinking he seemed blowdried by me ..when it was time to pay i had to be tapped severally to get the hint.and the payman was also mortified by the sight. all i know i cared less then for all i knew i was reading the key to not using the PSV again.

as i read through i had many oh oh moments but i also had moments where i thought some people had lied to me i mean the way i knew some bits and clauses was actually not the way they put.i felt some bits were exaggerated and some others under rated.

all in all i feel now i am better placed to be make a decision.i am better placed at engaging in debates.i am better placed to clap or boo when my leader misinterprets or interprets a clause or portion of the draft.

my word to you reader,grab a FREE draft constitution take time read,interpret and be better placed to make a decision. jisomee jitambuie jiamulie now makes alot of sense

WC2010

if you havent gotten used to football vybe yet or havent been attacked by the worldcup fever well,bless your soul
no,really i mean it bless your soul

i watched the first game and i had no idea what to expect in the next
i watched the second and i must say i was really bored and yet again i did not know what to look forward to and so i kept going ,anticipating and hoping

the rest of the matches were hair rising,breath taking and even jaw dropping.

uruguay,north korea,argentina,mexico,slovenia,algeria have been my biggest impressors.though we all expected argentina to win.

this world cup is the tournament of the underdogs with a suprise in every match.i mean who saw brazil,germany,nigeria loosing..

for now maybe all i can say all things are possible ,really possible...and never have i seen the cliche.this is africa anything can happen so real and infact i never saw myself use it...but now i own it i insisit on using it..

so lets wait and see and for the ladies i am working on a plan to update you on every match atleast so you are in scope with the lady who has been distracting adn literally stealing your man away from you..

xoxo reader.

world cup is here...in my homeland....

i like change
i like transformation
maybe its why am so happy of late
today i feel like i won a million dollars literally..

maybe its all been catalysed by the world cup..

i sat in the t.v hall and watched the opening ceremony of the world cup 2010 in awe.
every move made my heart beat faster
my eyes were confused,
between shock,tears and gorging out.
it was too awesome
my mouth wanted to let out a huge scream ,
my mouths' hinges were broken down it just couldnt shut
the choreography!
the technology
the party !
all awesome

i watched the first match with even more excitement
and the first goal,mh the first goal,mh the first goal
felt awesome
i want to feel that way forever.
in Africa for the first time and the first one by an African
define awesomeness..

i wish all other teams luck
and dear readers i hope to share with you the awesomeness of the next 90 days.
xoxo

forever waving the flag of world cup 201o in Africa..
proud to be african

fashion event

finally an event that brings together fasion and jewellery designers and fashion lovers.

an exhibition and yard sale you have anticipated for is finally here..

wait for it....right here..this month..

to register as a designer.

hit me up wario@sanabora.com

and then i hate how

i ,i ,i hate how long you took to finally read my blog,
and then
i hate how you will not comment or even give me feedback
and then
i hate how you take forever to text me back
and then i hate it even more when you find i tired calling and dont call back
and then
i hate how u never comment when i get a new look
at least say its bad or good
and then
i hate when you tell me you need time alone
and don't even tell me why ,leaving me alone
and then
i hate how you tell me maybe
when i ask you something
and then i hate
how you are already shrugging this article away..

and i hate how you act like you don't miss me but have me so fast when you see me..
i hate how am not seeing you smile at this part..

and i hate how
i hate how

I AM

i am not my paternal home area
not my maternal either
i am not the schools i went to
i am not the clothes i buy
i am not the car i use
i am not the service provider i use
i am not the food i eat

i am not off the decisions i have no control over.

i am the hair i wear
i am the shoes i wear,the knickers i flare'
the clothes i desire
i am the hygiene percentage u see in my lifestyle

yes i am the decisions i make
i am not the similarities you compare me to
or the judgements you make of me

for you live not not in me
you asketh not from me
dont lie to me
u judged me
when you first saw me,
my hair,my accent,my diet,my.my.me

i am the decisions i make
not what my decisions seem

mr man and miss preety

5th May 2010


You will have a piece of me when the maggots have had my flesh to their fill.

Harsh words to bid farewell. I wondered, I wondered even more on how they managed to smile at each other after such words.
I did not halt pondering on how People could make rudeness and brutality so cool. She had met him in a bar, she was looking her best, new hairstyle, new clothes, and new fragrance and loud make up. She paid for only two drinks but how she was stupid drank only the waitress serving her could define. A little while and someone were behind moving in a motion best defined as dancing. Another while later a sweaty her could be heard chuckling occasionally letting out a scream of sort which in this case was laughter and a loud "stop! My ribs"

It seemed to be a supper good night for a lady who had accompanied her purse to the bar.
She had friends and her sister around but she felt nothing but sleep around them so she opted to
Have it with her purse.

The guy was ready to leave but little Miss pretty did not even know the meaning of leaving.
Was she too drunk? Would she get home safe? By herself? This must have been some of the questions running through Mr. Man and on that note her sister had shown up angry at her boyfriend and the usual drunk people hormones acting up. Oh, you have company was the look on her face on seeing Mr. Man next to her. Hey, she is my sister was her greetings amidst chuckles and pushing of strings of hair back. She wasn’t going to let madam sister to come and snatch away her catch or angel as her mind recorded after shots of tequila madam siz was ready to go and Mr. Angel was already whispering to her asking where they lived, if they had car and if they would mind being dropped home.

Madam siz was hearing all this and quickly jumped on to say they were ok. Mr. Man was a gentleman enough and let them have it and the final handshake was accompanied by something ...eh, it was paper, dang! It was just a card not money. Not that she needed it but who minds it. days went by, months and as she was keeping busy in traffic emptying her bag which was a mobile house in all senses she saw a card with name that rang a bell but no face came to mind after some hard brainstorming sessions a smile broad enough to signal "I won a jackpot" was gracing her face. the next thing she was outside her gate on phone The guy then gave the very heart warming "ohohh, i remember". The conversation progressed on to a date being set up.

On a random afternoon her phone rang and by the way she was suddenly in front of her closer picking out an outfit. It was a lunch date. He picked her up and off they were to one of her favorite restaurant in town. After drowning a meal spiced with countless complimentary words and occasional tapping of the lap or holding of the hand. it was a nice date at least she could say of the meal but her mind was definitely rolling, arguing if he were the age he looked to be, how he looked minus his spectacles ,in brief he was a guy who made her fidget countless times .

Their parting signified the setting of another date soon after. walking away after the date was easy but showing up for the next made her legs feel a bit numb .one thing was for sure she wasn’t going to meet him in any place where her friends or anyone she knew might be at. He called a little while later and you can only imagine her shock when Mr. Man sent money so she would buy airtime as she was too quiet. A thank you text followed later. Thank you as simple as she could put it was all she could afford at that time. This gesture of altruism happened severally but all sends, had a very thoughtful message to it. She never asked even once but this once she was in a fix as she would call situations she couldn’t denote solutions to, she wrote him a straightforward message with the promise to refund and she hadn’t even received a delivery message he had sent already...

As she withdrew the money, his money, she was shacking worse than a leaf on a stormy night. She wondered how much of this she could take and was she now a "miner" also known as gold digger. She was a pro at taking risks but this one she was willing to stay out but then again she wasn’t willing to lose out on this very rare opportunity I mean manner from heaven doesn’t fall everyday she would be heard saying. Well, at least she remembered something from her Sunday school classes.

Many a times she felt that she was sinking to be the girl she always judged the girl from university who had everything sorted but no one knew how ,the one girl who seemed to spend more than her father and mother salaries combined. But she had no idea what next. Refuse and loose or accept and degrade.

She however was growing everyday from a girl who followed paths and ways long structured to a girl who could research, argue and decide on issue all by her self. She was decision no longer decision taker she was the decision maker. Her ways were now justified by how her mind and heart felt. She dedicated every decision to a feeling to an emotion and even this predicament or blessing she had she was going to liberally decide if she would take in or throw out. She was the talkative type never letting emotions be secrets but she had this one thing this one story that she wasn’t willing to share. He was a story, a full documentary script. She wanted him to be her dirty little secret yet again he was a big secret.

She had learnt how to leave everything she couldn’t handle to Mr. Man he always come through. She had however never pulled a fast one on him that cost him a fortune or made a hole in his pocket instead she had learnt the art of cost cutting by saving and letting him chip in on the topping. She also had never really asked for what was known as a huge favor but this one day she needed this huge favor, alcohol had found him promising to do get her a gadget she much fancied. When she first reminded him he played the blame it on the alcohol game but promised to make it up to her.

this time he had taken so long to make it up to her and her mind her very wild mind wasn’t going to wait any longer she was at the excuse point,” I have never been demanding, there is always the one chance allowance, innnit" you could almost spell out excuses at her when she tried frantically to justified her almost good harmful deeds.

She never plotted to pull him to a snare but she had, she had her fantasy in her hands he walked into this snare amidst him explaining how huge his credit bills, power bills and mortgage bills were driving him insane and how he was operating on low budget. He took time to realize that he had just spent a stash amidst his not stable monthly finances and now he was sliding his hand to her lower body precisely at the bump that made men in cars and on foot to literally slow down and stop occasionally. He placed his hand there as she watched the dealer wrap her new property .her body went into chills and she would have sworn the a.c had been altered. then he gently whispered, "you shall pay heavily, I shall have this mouth watering piece" she chuckled and let out her trademark smile turning to see him as he let go of her rear. he then realized that she was smatter than the movie crafters he admired and he warned 'unless you borrow career tips from usain bolt" another smile and now they were parting, and her soliloquy could have made you mistake her for a heartbroken girl ready to avenge...."you shall have a piece of me when the maggots have licked their fingers clean from my flesh"

SNAP OUT OF IT p1

So when do you want to be told to leave? When do you want the go away whistle to be blown so you pack and leave this man?

Someone is about to stop reading his article after this question but I seriously mean it. I think I should even claim copy rights to this statements owing to the many times I have asked this. I am tired of counseling and being there for tones of girls who in my eyes I would call fools for pouring acid on their wounded hearts by hanging on to men who would well of provide script content in a horror movie.

You have had chase for a long time and at the heat of hanging out hanging inside happens. There is the next day conversation maybe of a text with a smiley or ’it was awesome, heavenly and all words with an, it was good meaning. He never replies this, you wait till evening, call he doesn’t pick this goes on for awhile and then the caring you goes into depression trying to imagine what might have happened to him, sleepless nights, long work hours and restless sit ins characterize your day but you dutifully send numerous am worried, I love you, I miss you, are you ok?, did I do something texts, calling as though you are calling the ever busy phone network customer care. Girl! Snap out of it, he got what he wanted and you lay in his to be forgotten bin. By now someone is fidgeting giving me the ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybes.’ But I’ll shamelessly tell you a man who wants and loves you will look for you even if it takes him a full page advert in the missing person section!

Next is a girl who has had a relationship with a guy for quite sometime then the lucky male specimen wins the race and she is pregnant. She relays the’ ‘we need to talk’ message and breaks the news to him. He maybe smiling or maybe blowing your head off in his imagination. Confused no way forward message is relayed and in your motherly heart you decide to keep the baby. Good. I say .life is precious but is a baby a ring? is it a commitment certificate binding both of you together? No it is not. Someone is cursing me .but I know you know it is true. So he becomes a man and pays for your delivery and agrees on upkeep money. But as time goes you are continually asking, what’s wrong? you seem distant’ ,or the ‘I miss past times’ and calling him baby ,honey and all edible sweet things while he sticks to your baptismal name ,replying no text picking occasional calls and being too busy. Your friends are telling you they spotted him, hapa kule but you still hold on nagging every juice in him and appearing everywhere you know he is like a debt collector .gal snap out! Concentrate on your bundle of joy and making you happy and better than he found and let you. Sorry, but he likes none of you. A man that loves you or at least his child will not just provide monetary support he will jump high and try scoop the sun when it is too cold just to keep both of you warm.

I am the devils advocate because I deeply think that we trouble ourselves too much for men who do not even care a hair string about us. Truth is if he wants you he will find the axis and rotate on it to find you. If you let him be let him find his way let him draw his house build it and live in it then he may have time to look for you of course that is if he needs you. A quote I like says, let him go if he comes back he is yours if he doesn’t then he was never meant to be. And if he loves you he will look for you.

superman ....my supperrr

His simple stare and am in dismay-
His first words and I my tummy churns
Turns my head when he asks my name
A fear, a tear an idea
To answer to flatter or to alter

None of my sane
Can decide
How is he so divine?
He has all his words right
His hold so tight
His heart so light
His love so mine

Confused, difused, infused
In space I go tho of satellites I know not

I see and feel him around me
Like the Saturn rings
I hear him form his heartbeat
His beats so rhythmic
Ad tap and sing
Maybe wink at it

I see ice cream all over him
I smell vanilla all over him
I want to devour him whole
I don’t want to
He might not have a reproduction
A clone they say

Mine mind
My thighs
My kind
Served hot arranged neat for him to devour

Fax me his like
So I get it all right
I want him to fork and knife
Dip and slice
Let the juice drip
Let him, it, lick
With small bites
Nibbles and smiles
Chuckles and snuggles
Let the moon fade away the sun rise and set

toothpaste allergies

Toothpaste allergies This has become a very contentious issue in my life of late. I enter a matatu and the very smart person besides me tries to struck a conversation but the toothpaste allergy stops me from even wanting to get slack off cost of paying bus fare Then I go to the bank and I see a very cute counter attendant an decide to appreciate Gods creation fully which includes taking my feet through hell queuing in his very long queue just so I have a glimpse and few minutes of awe with this guy who might not even notice my short stout self then just as am finally about to get my flirting shoes!whoop the toothpaste effect stops me when clearly no distinction is made between werokam n welcome….disappointment galore Next day I am at a pool trying to relax and get over my toothpaste effects barriers. Then this guy who looks like god of a movie is standing at the diving board. I watch him methodologically and mathematically literally slice into the water and the splash effect makes me feel like I just got into contact with him…oh…a short while later he is walking in my sun bathing direction and gets a spot near me ,I give him the ’its ok you can talk to me’ smile and wait .wait wait wait I do..the toothpaste effect makes me foresee a very boring future between us if any thing was to grow and from then on i wear my highway optica sunglasses and fall into a dream for him being talkative..or ay the least a tad more interesting My hair being African and natural was thoroughly messed up so I decide to visit a hairdresser. My friend has been telling me of this hairdresser in town so I decide to visit him. I enter the hair salon but I am stubborn about letting other hairdresser to caress my head and so I patiently await Mr. .cute hairdresser. And boy do I wait! Finally it’s my turn he caresses my head gently then I decide to be courteous and shower the kind guy who has to untangle through my wires of my hair with my sweet words. I ask where he ‘packs’ and yet again the toothpaste effect halts me mum Lordi oh lordi these toothpaste effects are too many in just one week. Maybe its only me who gets affected by the toothpaste effects. or who is allergic to bad breath, vibeless and quiet guys as well as accents and slow people .well whether am the only one or not toothpaste effects are a major no no in todays society. if you are not eloquent then avoid speaking to much if you have bad breath issues then seek help and finally if you have nothing to say that makes sense,builds or even helps the other person then please do not say it.

i love her this so. yo my dear siz

I love her this so ….



A cold wind of fear passes over me at every thought of her
Precious her, strong her, s-heroic her
With every passing second a tear tries to commit suicide
But I stop it
Trying to wear fragrance of strength a smile of surety and a helmet of confidence
She is the second mother to me
The best friend
The elder sister
The s-hero
The comedian
The focused on
The pace setter
The fit on
Lifestyle , beauty consultant

Battling thoughts creeping into me
Thoughts my mother would call from the devils master plan
Torn between prayer, hope, wishing, crossing of fingers
I know she will be fine my soul tells me
I believe she will be fine my conscious whispers
My outer screaming she’s fine
But what do I really know, believe and feel.

Everything happens for a reason so I believe
What is the reason for this?
How much confidence can I continue building up
How much faith should I gather up?

A weak soul
Confused heart
Undecided gut
But a sure mind
A sure alter ego
A sure conviction
It will be well…

a day

a kiss a day

a wish a way a day

a smile all day every day

a hug any day

a perfect life

achieve acquire all this allday every day

adjustments ahve to be made by me :(

my first perfoamnce of 2010 was this past saturday at the all saints cathedral for te poetry spot nite.

i arrive there as a listener but i get my name on the performers list ,joke is i had the longest time of all performers..

i pick a poem ,heart ache p1 and part 2 and get on stage..i begin with a narrative then mix poetry with singing and i start feeling an acceptance warmth of sort form the crowd. it was what i was meant to say to the right people and at the right time.

i loved every word i said on the stage and m greatest being.. do not get shaken by a situation you are in someone must hav egoten through it for it to even have a name..

as i said this word i had to listen to myself and convince myself that it was true.i am going what i would call a series of events that call for major adjustments and God knows i hate adjusting especially if its for the worst. i prefer moving from black to white than the other way around but not to worry myself i keep saying that i will make it through and i will have a story to tell..

have a great week dear reader..

dear writer

every writer has a dry spell
mine was but now gone

the rain an inspiration of my morning writing
my circumstances,situations a drive of my writing
another writing phase begins
thank you for the support this far.......


chozih shed a tear for u....:)xoxo

tell itas itis

hate me today
love me forever

my word shall still cast
honetsy ,intergrity,brevity
holding firm to what i know
my ancestors brought me out
to say it out loud

martin luther began
bob marley in a strum begantupc and biggie in rhyms began
michael jackson in a dance began
honesty,integrity tell itas itis

one hand in the air
a jerry curl on the forehead
a tie on the neck!!!
tell it as it is

rainy rain

the drops on my body
hit against it
cool it , a bit longer freeze it

they hit the ground in the most peaceful and therapeutic way
an aroma ,sweet smelling incense arises from the hit an mix of rain with dut

chocolatey look
peace!the rain is down

paddles of water ,
splashes from toddlers excited by water stagnant on the ground
drivers driving as in a game drive
mud beautifies my white garmnet
an original piece of work and art
a mess is now a design paris got nothing on me!

hop jump and walk is all the way
my house so far off
brolllies blown away by rain
wet,dripped
clothes on a hanging line got nothing on me

rain rain go away come again another day
kids sing
long trails
beautiful lines and emboutaeges
traffic!
pure tourist attraction...........

inhale
no anger in rain
anger in sun ,some traffic
if roof leaks stick chewing but gum on it

farmers smiles
fisherman not happy
sailer worried
heavens are open the ground closing
holdin in water.....

peace the rain brings in
joy peace love and unity!
rain rain fall on me:)

HEART ACHE P2

I was hoping when my day began at 4p.m
The pain would have gone
Hoping that when I finally left my cave, my room
It would feel less painful
Hoping that after drowning myself in my space
Drowning my mind with books and horror movies
I would be less hurt and less angry

I also hoped that after hours of not seeing her
I would smile when I saw her
Hoping that thinking of her dint hurt,
Or make me angry

Guess I hoped for so much
It hurts so fresh
My veins tighten like she just angered me
Would still do what I wished to do to her at first
Suicidal feelings,
Drunkard wishes,
Dreams of ecstasy form drugs I know not
Feelings of wastefulness
Feelings of vengeance and hurtfulness

HEART ACHE P2

I was hoping when my day began at 4p.m
The pain would have gone
Hoping that when I finally left my cave, my room
It would feel less painful
Hoping that after drowning myself in my space
Drowning my mind with books and horror movies
I would be less hurt and less angry

I also hoped that after hours of not seeing her
I would smile when I saw her
Hoping that thinking of her dint hurt,
Or make me angry

Guess I hoped for so much
It hurts so fresh
My veins tighten like she just angered me
Would still do what I wished to do to her at first
Suicidal feelings,
Drunkard wishes,
Dreams of ecstasy form drugs I know not
Feelings of wastefulness
Feelings of vengeance and hurtfulness

HEART ACHE P1

Dehydration is what I might end up experiencing
If my eyes don’t stop losing water...
Heart failure is what I might experience
If my hearts doesn’t start functioning well

The sun is up but it is still dark,
My morning hasn’t come yet
It is warm outside but it’s frozen inside
My autumn, summer are showing no signs yet

My glue hasn’t arrived yet
To fix the pieces form a broken vessel in me
If only it was broken by love of a man
Am sure glue would be coming soon
But no no no

I never knew this was how it felt
When your tear a kid form even a crack head mother
To a foster home
I never knew this is how it felt
When your last prison privilege threatens to be taken away from you……
I never knew this is how it felt
When what you own and have worked hard for threatened to be owned by another..

I never knew this is how it felt
To watch the mother of your babies
Walk away with you older brother
I never knew this is how it felt
To watch your man get whisked away by your boss..

I never knew this is how it felt
To not have an option
To be helpless
………to stare helplessly

yesterday i cried

The last week has been a good week but had its own share of tit bits of ‘small’ drama that I let go, perhaps this pile up of emotion led to my breakdown last night.

Yesterday, I cried...
Tears a sign of unity with the heart,
To some a sign of weakness,
To some a sign of deep emotion
And to me a sign of complete tear...

Yesterday I cried...
If you ask me tears have classifications,
Tears of joy
Of pain, hurt and anger
Of despair
Of excitement, expectation and bewilderment

Yesterday,
I would have cried tears of joy bewilderment
Because I had an exciting day but instead
Bitter tears of pain, hurt and anger rolled down

With every bit of skin they touched
It felt like salt onto a wound
For every tear that left my eye
It felt like the nail was pushed harder.
Am a tough cookie to crack
But yesterday I cried...

I cried at the realization that
I was loving those that hurt while I was hurting those who loved me.
When I realized that a gun was over my head
To le go of one thing that is so intimate
I felt like a mother being touched her last kid by a court of law to an abusive husband

Watching I an do bad all by myself for the fourth or fifth time
Made me feel a slight connect with Jennifer and April
When the people you are supposed to look up to
Are your worst nightmare..

When you love with all your heart
When you can’t stop loving because they are a permanent fixture
Part of you,
When you would swim in an ocean over winter for them
But they wouldn’t swim in a pool over summer for you

I will do one thing ‘you’ taught me mother
Love those that hurt you
And make them question their hate towards you
Make them com back on a bended knee…

Am unclear if am letting go of my clutching straw

But mama it HURTS…

love obssesed

yesterday was one unique Friday,people were home early,dinner was made early,kids turned in home early and even homework was done on time.

where i live the estate almost came to a standstill as everyone was glued to their screens to watch episode finale of a soap opera,"storm over paradise" even the shopkeeper made me wait as his eyes were fixated on the tiny black and white screen.truly, not even Obamas speech was given that much attention.

this got me thinking and probing.what is it people watch in this soap operas?many years down the lien we still have and perhaps watch "the bold and the beautiful" and "days of our lives".today a new soap opera commences and your right another marathon begins.

one answer shone over it all ,love,four letters that are yet to be clearly defined in human terms.i also realized how even though men hardly watch soap operas they are still caught up watching reality shows like the bachelor.

the quest and quench to find love,feel love ,experience love and define love is the new trend,in twitter terms we would say TT for trending topic.even local programming has seen itself get caught up in trying to feature 'localized soap operas.
i must add, i have observed how my mother has slowly become a fan or should i say a fanatic of nollywood,west African movies. while quite a while back she could not stand them.the answer was simple,they deviated form cultural and spiritual scripts to love triangles and love fueled drama.there has also been an amazing increase in social dating websites from religious ones to race to regional.it is quite a thriving and booming business is must say.the numbers enrolling into this websites is proof.go through magazine and newspapers and find numerous advertisements for people looking for partners. some psychologists and ordinary people have even taken advantage and started match making firms

yesterday my friends invited me for a road trip on the 14th of February, in order to fill a package of ten which was cheaper.they were four couples thus i turned the offer down saying am single and thus would make us nine and to my shock they had a hook up on stand by.we went ahead and spoke and boy oh boy dint his voice do wonders.so today i woke up and went on a social network to see how he looked like since he already had seen my pictures and i was thrown back.literally.don't get me twisted he wasn't ugly but he wasn't what i fathomed and right there my excitement for valentines was gone.another valentine-less year i bet

i have been looking into my love life for the past two ,three years and i have just realized its time to stop looking.it is not my specialty to look or it is just not the train for me to hop on and ride on.truth is the few times i have hoped on it it crushed !.my mother believes we all have someone somewhere.every many has a missing rib.but i have tried to infuse the theory that some people will end up solo.what if your rib already died at birth or even in the coarse of life before you met.what if your match got aborted .what if ?just what if? what if he is in a monestry?(laughable it is but crucial it also is)

all am trying to drive at is that at times some of us are just good by ourselves.not everyone though.we find ourselves loving other things above our comprehensions.i being the first have found myself in love with my own life that revolves around writing and music.it just occurred to me the other day that twitter has slowly replaced my best friend,there is nothing my twitter page doesn't know about me perhaps!:)

i have thus drawn a conclusion; at times we need to call of the search.not give up but just stop looking and focus on our search on other things like good friends,better career life,better spiritual life.for what is meant to meet or be will be eventually.

happy February everybody.to those in love love more,to those getting dumped,u have a shoulder,mine,to lean on.to those looking for love he/she is staring at you just reach out and finally to those of you like me,we have called of the search!cheers

LET’S GIVE MORNINGS WHAT THEY DESERVE Research has proven that 70% of people are grumpy for the first two hours after they wake. What am I saying? T

LET’S GIVE MORNINGS WHAT THEY DESERVE

Research has proven that 70% of people are grumpy for the first two hours after they wake.

What am I saying?
The worst thing anyone wants is a lecture or gossip in the morning….we want to work create and achieve, our minds are on a roll

Take this for example; you wake up in the morning and the first thing you have to encounter is a partners’ lecture or gossip about the secretary last night or the neighbors fight !!argh!!

In this sample, I am trying to drive at radio in the morning.

I bet we all want to wake up to some nice music to get us jumping out of bed and dancing in the shower keep us wake as we decide on what to adorn. We want vibe that will tickle us as we make breakfast; we want jokes and stories that will calm our impatient selves in traffic, stories that will intrigue our reasoning, information that will increase our wit…

Gossip on cheating spouses, tragic relationships, sex is juicy vibe but not for the morning it sets a bad energy for the day. Politics at this hour just makes us bump into the car ahead of us gets us in an agitated mood throughout the day at the though of a corrupt leader, taxation at its highest and global warming that the leaders are not working against..


Radio vibe in morning and theis is before eleven o’clock should just be serene and simple. Top of the mix being good music and lots of it, information that gets you thinking and tickled all day…radio in the morning should be your daily shot of inspiration and kick start…

I hope that this piece not only entertains or expresses my emotion but the emotions of many who feel like I do….well if there are any... more so I hope you as the radio producer, presenter or mogul reading this, will work towards improving radio

Let’s leave gossip for lunchtime and a lousy midday….. And for jobless, idle and focus less people who have nothing to look forward to ,thus gossip in the morning gives theme vibe for the day ‘pardon my rudeness’

Could we consider the crowds that listen to radio in the morning it’s embarrassing to seat next to a very young pupil on the way to school and listening to topics about sex and cheating spouses? We raise children that are sexually reckless and relationship insensitive. It breaks my heart more to hear a 10 year old tell me they don’t want to get married because they do not want to be cheated on!!! What happened to the happily ever after thoughts!!!! Just saying…

Have great radio mornings y’all

Kindly leave a comment/suggestion to this piece

empress embarass trouble

They call me empress embarrass trouble

I am that slippery tongue that says f instead of p
When you trying to explain you got late parking
I am empress embarrass trouble

I am that foundation on your shirt when you get home late
I am empress embarrass
I am that hot wife’s friend who joins your office
I am empress embarrass trouble


I am that lipstick on your teeth
The green vegetable on your front teeth
When you meet the one
They call me empress embarrass trouble

I am that curse word that pops out in front of your pastor
I am empress embarrass trouble

I am that loud fart
That trick of mucus on our date
I am empress embarrass trouble

I am the uncomfortable fashionable shoe you have to wear to a cocktail
The uncomfortable wig and unfitting bra
I am empress embarrass trouble

I am that piece of dump that won’t flash down the toilet at your girlfriends’ house party
I am empress embarrass
I am the running stomach at a party
The unexpected menses at a date
I am empress embarrass trouble

I am the juicy vibe in the middle of a match
The sad ending to soap when your homies are home
I am empress embarrass trouble

I am the wallet you forgot in a first date
The drivers license you forgot when you got a car to take her out
I am empress embarrass trouble

I am the latex you do not have when she finally decides to give it to you
I am empress embarrass
I am that torn knickers when he decides to give it to you
I am empress embarrass trouble

I am that hooker who you dint tell you were married
Meets you at the shopping mall with wifey and loudly asks why you no longer comes fro some
I am empress embarrass trouble

I am that that last point you crammed that’s the answer to the simplest exam question
But won’t pop up in the exam room
I am empress embarrass trouble

To be continued………………………………

another random piece

today,
i looked back
as soon as i finished high school i began working as an actress
as well as helping at my dads shop.
my first dates as a free bird,away form parental monitory and curfew were in coffee houses
perhaps because the men i met were grown and working

a tad later i joined university and now my dates were in th school cafeteria and from past colleagues in coffee house or should i say older clubs\joints

a few days back i went to meet my friends at a fast food joint.steers.
and as i sat there ans stared at people alienation crept in
a lady asked me my age and was shocked that i was younger than she but i was so alienated and looked misplaced..i stared at a few more people who looked my peers and couldn't help but think of them as immature

thats when it hit me,thats when the word of my sister come rushing in,
i missed a stage in my life.
a stage of idling in city joints checking men out and window shopping
getting hit on with corny lines,
he he alot i missed between completing school and joining university.
whose fault was it?
i again realized that never did i go through the jumping a fence to go for rave
ha ha the memories of things i saw my sisters did

people say that life stages are inevitable
that scary,
when will that stage come?
will it embarrass me?
shivers....

but then again it occurred to me
age is nothing but a number
its not how long u've lived but how long and deep you have lived
its not how long u've been seeing the light of day or crossing roads
its the technique and achievement by he time the sun goes down

and i conclude i grew too fast
i look back,front
smile and say
take me as i am or leave me as you found me!!!!!!

nothingness in words

am not sure if am the only writer whose mind at time goes blank.

i hold the pen on paper and it feels like i just walked into class for the first time and asked to write a composition or should i say essay..

in the height of haitis devastation,bad politics,breaking relationships commencing relationships i still have no topical writing.

but ha ha ha here i am behind this desktop writing about nothing...am perhaps one of the most talkative you might ever meet that is if you do...i talk even when am alone,i make my pillows and teddy bears listen to me,i role play interviews.i give speches in my 'award wining ceremonies'my personal grammies and b.e.t's i even shed tears..by now you are probably laughing or retreating to look at my picture and confirm my sanity.in teh midst of my insanitry i believe in wakin gup to my dream..by now perhaps one of you reading is going 'yeah right' but watch this space

i am afraid of the words i just wrote above..
afraid that five,ten years from now ei will still be saying the same words
afraid that my kids will be born and read thsi blog and still find me saying them
afraid taht i will fall into a state of depression and hopelessness when all this doesnt come true...

but who am i?God has my destiny and since i trust in Him al let HIm read this and probably erase my fears......

attention seeker

Forgive me for wearing a lot of make up
I know not much about fashion
Forgive me because;
Am just an attention seeker

Forgive me for having my a car key among my house keys
I hold it high so you think I drive
I don’t own one
Forgive me because;
Am just an attention seeker

Forgive me for wearing sunglasses in a club
Truth is I don’t even see clearly
I don’t even have swag neither do I know what it means
Forgive me because
Am just an attention seeker

Forgive me for walking up to you with smooth line s and great quotes
I am not that bright
I stole them for a movie and the magazines
Forgive me because
I am just an attention seeker

Forgive me for ordering carrots and salad
Truth is I am not so healthy
In fact am starving
Had to look stunning
Forgive me because
Am just an attention seeker

Forgive me for walking into church late with highest stilettos and conk perfume
Truth is they hurt me
The perfume chokes me
Forgive me because
Am just an attention seeker

Forgive me for giggling loud in the board meeting
Truth is nothing is funny
Forgive me because
An just an attention seeker

Forgive me for upgrading my job title than it really is
Program controller for office assistant
Security officer for bouncer
Forgive me because
Am just an attention seeker

Forgive me for opposing everything my colleagues say
Truth is I want to look like am working and thinking hard
Forgive me because
Am just an attention seeker

Forgive me for guzzling too much alcohol and blacking out
Truth is I do not even drink that much
Forgive me because
Am just an attention seeker