i ,i ,i hate how long you took to finally read my blog,
and then
i hate how you will not comment or even give me feedback
and then
i hate how you take forever to text me back
and then i hate it even more when you find i tired calling and dont call back
and then
i hate how u never comment when i get a new look
at least say its bad or good
and then
i hate when you tell me you need time alone
and don't even tell me why ,leaving me alone
and then
i hate how you tell me maybe
when i ask you something
and then i hate
how you are already shrugging this article away..
and i hate how you act like you don't miss me but have me so fast when you see me..
i hate how am not seeing you smile at this part..
and i hate how
i hate how
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
I AM
i am not my paternal home area
not my maternal either
i am not the schools i went to
i am not the clothes i buy
i am not the car i use
i am not the service provider i use
i am not the food i eat
i am not off the decisions i have no control over.
i am the hair i wear
i am the shoes i wear,the knickers i flare'
the clothes i desire
i am the hygiene percentage u see in my lifestyle
yes i am the decisions i make
i am not the similarities you compare me to
or the judgements you make of me
for you live not not in me
you asketh not from me
dont lie to me
u judged me
when you first saw me,
my hair,my accent,my diet,my.my.me
i am the decisions i make
not what my decisions seem
not my maternal either
i am not the schools i went to
i am not the clothes i buy
i am not the car i use
i am not the service provider i use
i am not the food i eat
i am not off the decisions i have no control over.
i am the hair i wear
i am the shoes i wear,the knickers i flare'
the clothes i desire
i am the hygiene percentage u see in my lifestyle
yes i am the decisions i make
i am not the similarities you compare me to
or the judgements you make of me
for you live not not in me
you asketh not from me
dont lie to me
u judged me
when you first saw me,
my hair,my accent,my diet,my.my.me
i am the decisions i make
not what my decisions seem
Friday, May 14, 2010
mr man and miss preety
5th May 2010
You will have a piece of me when the maggots have had my flesh to their fill.
Harsh words to bid farewell. I wondered, I wondered even more on how they managed to smile at each other after such words.
I did not halt pondering on how People could make rudeness and brutality so cool. She had met him in a bar, she was looking her best, new hairstyle, new clothes, and new fragrance and loud make up. She paid for only two drinks but how she was stupid drank only the waitress serving her could define. A little while and someone were behind moving in a motion best defined as dancing. Another while later a sweaty her could be heard chuckling occasionally letting out a scream of sort which in this case was laughter and a loud "stop! My ribs"
It seemed to be a supper good night for a lady who had accompanied her purse to the bar.
She had friends and her sister around but she felt nothing but sleep around them so she opted to
Have it with her purse.
The guy was ready to leave but little Miss pretty did not even know the meaning of leaving.
Was she too drunk? Would she get home safe? By herself? This must have been some of the questions running through Mr. Man and on that note her sister had shown up angry at her boyfriend and the usual drunk people hormones acting up. Oh, you have company was the look on her face on seeing Mr. Man next to her. Hey, she is my sister was her greetings amidst chuckles and pushing of strings of hair back. She wasn’t going to let madam sister to come and snatch away her catch or angel as her mind recorded after shots of tequila madam siz was ready to go and Mr. Angel was already whispering to her asking where they lived, if they had car and if they would mind being dropped home.
Madam siz was hearing all this and quickly jumped on to say they were ok. Mr. Man was a gentleman enough and let them have it and the final handshake was accompanied by something ...eh, it was paper, dang! It was just a card not money. Not that she needed it but who minds it. days went by, months and as she was keeping busy in traffic emptying her bag which was a mobile house in all senses she saw a card with name that rang a bell but no face came to mind after some hard brainstorming sessions a smile broad enough to signal "I won a jackpot" was gracing her face. the next thing she was outside her gate on phone The guy then gave the very heart warming "ohohh, i remember". The conversation progressed on to a date being set up.
On a random afternoon her phone rang and by the way she was suddenly in front of her closer picking out an outfit. It was a lunch date. He picked her up and off they were to one of her favorite restaurant in town. After drowning a meal spiced with countless complimentary words and occasional tapping of the lap or holding of the hand. it was a nice date at least she could say of the meal but her mind was definitely rolling, arguing if he were the age he looked to be, how he looked minus his spectacles ,in brief he was a guy who made her fidget countless times .
Their parting signified the setting of another date soon after. walking away after the date was easy but showing up for the next made her legs feel a bit numb .one thing was for sure she wasn’t going to meet him in any place where her friends or anyone she knew might be at. He called a little while later and you can only imagine her shock when Mr. Man sent money so she would buy airtime as she was too quiet. A thank you text followed later. Thank you as simple as she could put it was all she could afford at that time. This gesture of altruism happened severally but all sends, had a very thoughtful message to it. She never asked even once but this once she was in a fix as she would call situations she couldn’t denote solutions to, she wrote him a straightforward message with the promise to refund and she hadn’t even received a delivery message he had sent already...
As she withdrew the money, his money, she was shacking worse than a leaf on a stormy night. She wondered how much of this she could take and was she now a "miner" also known as gold digger. She was a pro at taking risks but this one she was willing to stay out but then again she wasn’t willing to lose out on this very rare opportunity I mean manner from heaven doesn’t fall everyday she would be heard saying. Well, at least she remembered something from her Sunday school classes.
Many a times she felt that she was sinking to be the girl she always judged the girl from university who had everything sorted but no one knew how ,the one girl who seemed to spend more than her father and mother salaries combined. But she had no idea what next. Refuse and loose or accept and degrade.
She however was growing everyday from a girl who followed paths and ways long structured to a girl who could research, argue and decide on issue all by her self. She was decision no longer decision taker she was the decision maker. Her ways were now justified by how her mind and heart felt. She dedicated every decision to a feeling to an emotion and even this predicament or blessing she had she was going to liberally decide if she would take in or throw out. She was the talkative type never letting emotions be secrets but she had this one thing this one story that she wasn’t willing to share. He was a story, a full documentary script. She wanted him to be her dirty little secret yet again he was a big secret.
She had learnt how to leave everything she couldn’t handle to Mr. Man he always come through. She had however never pulled a fast one on him that cost him a fortune or made a hole in his pocket instead she had learnt the art of cost cutting by saving and letting him chip in on the topping. She also had never really asked for what was known as a huge favor but this one day she needed this huge favor, alcohol had found him promising to do get her a gadget she much fancied. When she first reminded him he played the blame it on the alcohol game but promised to make it up to her.
this time he had taken so long to make it up to her and her mind her very wild mind wasn’t going to wait any longer she was at the excuse point,” I have never been demanding, there is always the one chance allowance, innnit" you could almost spell out excuses at her when she tried frantically to justified her almost good harmful deeds.
She never plotted to pull him to a snare but she had, she had her fantasy in her hands he walked into this snare amidst him explaining how huge his credit bills, power bills and mortgage bills were driving him insane and how he was operating on low budget. He took time to realize that he had just spent a stash amidst his not stable monthly finances and now he was sliding his hand to her lower body precisely at the bump that made men in cars and on foot to literally slow down and stop occasionally. He placed his hand there as she watched the dealer wrap her new property .her body went into chills and she would have sworn the a.c had been altered. then he gently whispered, "you shall pay heavily, I shall have this mouth watering piece" she chuckled and let out her trademark smile turning to see him as he let go of her rear. he then realized that she was smatter than the movie crafters he admired and he warned 'unless you borrow career tips from usain bolt" another smile and now they were parting, and her soliloquy could have made you mistake her for a heartbroken girl ready to avenge...."you shall have a piece of me when the maggots have licked their fingers clean from my flesh"
You will have a piece of me when the maggots have had my flesh to their fill.
Harsh words to bid farewell. I wondered, I wondered even more on how they managed to smile at each other after such words.
I did not halt pondering on how People could make rudeness and brutality so cool. She had met him in a bar, she was looking her best, new hairstyle, new clothes, and new fragrance and loud make up. She paid for only two drinks but how she was stupid drank only the waitress serving her could define. A little while and someone were behind moving in a motion best defined as dancing. Another while later a sweaty her could be heard chuckling occasionally letting out a scream of sort which in this case was laughter and a loud "stop! My ribs"
It seemed to be a supper good night for a lady who had accompanied her purse to the bar.
She had friends and her sister around but she felt nothing but sleep around them so she opted to
Have it with her purse.
The guy was ready to leave but little Miss pretty did not even know the meaning of leaving.
Was she too drunk? Would she get home safe? By herself? This must have been some of the questions running through Mr. Man and on that note her sister had shown up angry at her boyfriend and the usual drunk people hormones acting up. Oh, you have company was the look on her face on seeing Mr. Man next to her. Hey, she is my sister was her greetings amidst chuckles and pushing of strings of hair back. She wasn’t going to let madam sister to come and snatch away her catch or angel as her mind recorded after shots of tequila madam siz was ready to go and Mr. Angel was already whispering to her asking where they lived, if they had car and if they would mind being dropped home.
Madam siz was hearing all this and quickly jumped on to say they were ok. Mr. Man was a gentleman enough and let them have it and the final handshake was accompanied by something ...eh, it was paper, dang! It was just a card not money. Not that she needed it but who minds it. days went by, months and as she was keeping busy in traffic emptying her bag which was a mobile house in all senses she saw a card with name that rang a bell but no face came to mind after some hard brainstorming sessions a smile broad enough to signal "I won a jackpot" was gracing her face. the next thing she was outside her gate on phone The guy then gave the very heart warming "ohohh, i remember". The conversation progressed on to a date being set up.
On a random afternoon her phone rang and by the way she was suddenly in front of her closer picking out an outfit. It was a lunch date. He picked her up and off they were to one of her favorite restaurant in town. After drowning a meal spiced with countless complimentary words and occasional tapping of the lap or holding of the hand. it was a nice date at least she could say of the meal but her mind was definitely rolling, arguing if he were the age he looked to be, how he looked minus his spectacles ,in brief he was a guy who made her fidget countless times .
Their parting signified the setting of another date soon after. walking away after the date was easy but showing up for the next made her legs feel a bit numb .one thing was for sure she wasn’t going to meet him in any place where her friends or anyone she knew might be at. He called a little while later and you can only imagine her shock when Mr. Man sent money so she would buy airtime as she was too quiet. A thank you text followed later. Thank you as simple as she could put it was all she could afford at that time. This gesture of altruism happened severally but all sends, had a very thoughtful message to it. She never asked even once but this once she was in a fix as she would call situations she couldn’t denote solutions to, she wrote him a straightforward message with the promise to refund and she hadn’t even received a delivery message he had sent already...
As she withdrew the money, his money, she was shacking worse than a leaf on a stormy night. She wondered how much of this she could take and was she now a "miner" also known as gold digger. She was a pro at taking risks but this one she was willing to stay out but then again she wasn’t willing to lose out on this very rare opportunity I mean manner from heaven doesn’t fall everyday she would be heard saying. Well, at least she remembered something from her Sunday school classes.
Many a times she felt that she was sinking to be the girl she always judged the girl from university who had everything sorted but no one knew how ,the one girl who seemed to spend more than her father and mother salaries combined. But she had no idea what next. Refuse and loose or accept and degrade.
She however was growing everyday from a girl who followed paths and ways long structured to a girl who could research, argue and decide on issue all by her self. She was decision no longer decision taker she was the decision maker. Her ways were now justified by how her mind and heart felt. She dedicated every decision to a feeling to an emotion and even this predicament or blessing she had she was going to liberally decide if she would take in or throw out. She was the talkative type never letting emotions be secrets but she had this one thing this one story that she wasn’t willing to share. He was a story, a full documentary script. She wanted him to be her dirty little secret yet again he was a big secret.
She had learnt how to leave everything she couldn’t handle to Mr. Man he always come through. She had however never pulled a fast one on him that cost him a fortune or made a hole in his pocket instead she had learnt the art of cost cutting by saving and letting him chip in on the topping. She also had never really asked for what was known as a huge favor but this one day she needed this huge favor, alcohol had found him promising to do get her a gadget she much fancied. When she first reminded him he played the blame it on the alcohol game but promised to make it up to her.
this time he had taken so long to make it up to her and her mind her very wild mind wasn’t going to wait any longer she was at the excuse point,” I have never been demanding, there is always the one chance allowance, innnit" you could almost spell out excuses at her when she tried frantically to justified her almost good harmful deeds.
She never plotted to pull him to a snare but she had, she had her fantasy in her hands he walked into this snare amidst him explaining how huge his credit bills, power bills and mortgage bills were driving him insane and how he was operating on low budget. He took time to realize that he had just spent a stash amidst his not stable monthly finances and now he was sliding his hand to her lower body precisely at the bump that made men in cars and on foot to literally slow down and stop occasionally. He placed his hand there as she watched the dealer wrap her new property .her body went into chills and she would have sworn the a.c had been altered. then he gently whispered, "you shall pay heavily, I shall have this mouth watering piece" she chuckled and let out her trademark smile turning to see him as he let go of her rear. he then realized that she was smatter than the movie crafters he admired and he warned 'unless you borrow career tips from usain bolt" another smile and now they were parting, and her soliloquy could have made you mistake her for a heartbroken girl ready to avenge...."you shall have a piece of me when the maggots have licked their fingers clean from my flesh"
Thursday, May 13, 2010
SNAP OUT OF IT p1
So when do you want to be told to leave? When do you want the go away whistle to be blown so you pack and leave this man?
Someone is about to stop reading his article after this question but I seriously mean it. I think I should even claim copy rights to this statements owing to the many times I have asked this. I am tired of counseling and being there for tones of girls who in my eyes I would call fools for pouring acid on their wounded hearts by hanging on to men who would well of provide script content in a horror movie.
You have had chase for a long time and at the heat of hanging out hanging inside happens. There is the next day conversation maybe of a text with a smiley or ’it was awesome, heavenly and all words with an, it was good meaning. He never replies this, you wait till evening, call he doesn’t pick this goes on for awhile and then the caring you goes into depression trying to imagine what might have happened to him, sleepless nights, long work hours and restless sit ins characterize your day but you dutifully send numerous am worried, I love you, I miss you, are you ok?, did I do something texts, calling as though you are calling the ever busy phone network customer care. Girl! Snap out of it, he got what he wanted and you lay in his to be forgotten bin. By now someone is fidgeting giving me the ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybes.’ But I’ll shamelessly tell you a man who wants and loves you will look for you even if it takes him a full page advert in the missing person section!
Next is a girl who has had a relationship with a guy for quite sometime then the lucky male specimen wins the race and she is pregnant. She relays the’ ‘we need to talk’ message and breaks the news to him. He maybe smiling or maybe blowing your head off in his imagination. Confused no way forward message is relayed and in your motherly heart you decide to keep the baby. Good. I say .life is precious but is a baby a ring? is it a commitment certificate binding both of you together? No it is not. Someone is cursing me .but I know you know it is true. So he becomes a man and pays for your delivery and agrees on upkeep money. But as time goes you are continually asking, what’s wrong? you seem distant’ ,or the ‘I miss past times’ and calling him baby ,honey and all edible sweet things while he sticks to your baptismal name ,replying no text picking occasional calls and being too busy. Your friends are telling you they spotted him, hapa kule but you still hold on nagging every juice in him and appearing everywhere you know he is like a debt collector .gal snap out! Concentrate on your bundle of joy and making you happy and better than he found and let you. Sorry, but he likes none of you. A man that loves you or at least his child will not just provide monetary support he will jump high and try scoop the sun when it is too cold just to keep both of you warm.
I am the devils advocate because I deeply think that we trouble ourselves too much for men who do not even care a hair string about us. Truth is if he wants you he will find the axis and rotate on it to find you. If you let him be let him find his way let him draw his house build it and live in it then he may have time to look for you of course that is if he needs you. A quote I like says, let him go if he comes back he is yours if he doesn’t then he was never meant to be. And if he loves you he will look for you.
Someone is about to stop reading his article after this question but I seriously mean it. I think I should even claim copy rights to this statements owing to the many times I have asked this. I am tired of counseling and being there for tones of girls who in my eyes I would call fools for pouring acid on their wounded hearts by hanging on to men who would well of provide script content in a horror movie.
You have had chase for a long time and at the heat of hanging out hanging inside happens. There is the next day conversation maybe of a text with a smiley or ’it was awesome, heavenly and all words with an, it was good meaning. He never replies this, you wait till evening, call he doesn’t pick this goes on for awhile and then the caring you goes into depression trying to imagine what might have happened to him, sleepless nights, long work hours and restless sit ins characterize your day but you dutifully send numerous am worried, I love you, I miss you, are you ok?, did I do something texts, calling as though you are calling the ever busy phone network customer care. Girl! Snap out of it, he got what he wanted and you lay in his to be forgotten bin. By now someone is fidgeting giving me the ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybes.’ But I’ll shamelessly tell you a man who wants and loves you will look for you even if it takes him a full page advert in the missing person section!
Next is a girl who has had a relationship with a guy for quite sometime then the lucky male specimen wins the race and she is pregnant. She relays the’ ‘we need to talk’ message and breaks the news to him. He maybe smiling or maybe blowing your head off in his imagination. Confused no way forward message is relayed and in your motherly heart you decide to keep the baby. Good. I say .life is precious but is a baby a ring? is it a commitment certificate binding both of you together? No it is not. Someone is cursing me .but I know you know it is true. So he becomes a man and pays for your delivery and agrees on upkeep money. But as time goes you are continually asking, what’s wrong? you seem distant’ ,or the ‘I miss past times’ and calling him baby ,honey and all edible sweet things while he sticks to your baptismal name ,replying no text picking occasional calls and being too busy. Your friends are telling you they spotted him, hapa kule but you still hold on nagging every juice in him and appearing everywhere you know he is like a debt collector .gal snap out! Concentrate on your bundle of joy and making you happy and better than he found and let you. Sorry, but he likes none of you. A man that loves you or at least his child will not just provide monetary support he will jump high and try scoop the sun when it is too cold just to keep both of you warm.
I am the devils advocate because I deeply think that we trouble ourselves too much for men who do not even care a hair string about us. Truth is if he wants you he will find the axis and rotate on it to find you. If you let him be let him find his way let him draw his house build it and live in it then he may have time to look for you of course that is if he needs you. A quote I like says, let him go if he comes back he is yours if he doesn’t then he was never meant to be. And if he loves you he will look for you.
superman ....my supperrr
His simple stare and am in dismay-
His first words and I my tummy churns
Turns my head when he asks my name
A fear, a tear an idea
To answer to flatter or to alter
None of my sane
Can decide
How is he so divine?
He has all his words right
His hold so tight
His heart so light
His love so mine
Confused, difused, infused
In space I go tho of satellites I know not
I see and feel him around me
Like the Saturn rings
I hear him form his heartbeat
His beats so rhythmic
Ad tap and sing
Maybe wink at it
I see ice cream all over him
I smell vanilla all over him
I want to devour him whole
I don’t want to
He might not have a reproduction
A clone they say
Mine mind
My thighs
My kind
Served hot arranged neat for him to devour
Fax me his like
So I get it all right
I want him to fork and knife
Dip and slice
Let the juice drip
Let him, it, lick
With small bites
Nibbles and smiles
Chuckles and snuggles
Let the moon fade away the sun rise and set
His first words and I my tummy churns
Turns my head when he asks my name
A fear, a tear an idea
To answer to flatter or to alter
None of my sane
Can decide
How is he so divine?
He has all his words right
His hold so tight
His heart so light
His love so mine
Confused, difused, infused
In space I go tho of satellites I know not
I see and feel him around me
Like the Saturn rings
I hear him form his heartbeat
His beats so rhythmic
Ad tap and sing
Maybe wink at it
I see ice cream all over him
I smell vanilla all over him
I want to devour him whole
I don’t want to
He might not have a reproduction
A clone they say
Mine mind
My thighs
My kind
Served hot arranged neat for him to devour
Fax me his like
So I get it all right
I want him to fork and knife
Dip and slice
Let the juice drip
Let him, it, lick
With small bites
Nibbles and smiles
Chuckles and snuggles
Let the moon fade away the sun rise and set
toothpaste allergies
Toothpaste allergies This has become a very contentious issue in my life of late. I enter a matatu and the very smart person besides me tries to struck a conversation but the toothpaste allergy stops me from even wanting to get slack off cost of paying bus fare Then I go to the bank and I see a very cute counter attendant an decide to appreciate Gods creation fully which includes taking my feet through hell queuing in his very long queue just so I have a glimpse and few minutes of awe with this guy who might not even notice my short stout self then just as am finally about to get my flirting shoes!whoop the toothpaste effect stops me when clearly no distinction is made between werokam n welcome….disappointment galore Next day I am at a pool trying to relax and get over my toothpaste effects barriers. Then this guy who looks like god of a movie is standing at the diving board. I watch him methodologically and mathematically literally slice into the water and the splash effect makes me feel like I just got into contact with him…oh…a short while later he is walking in my sun bathing direction and gets a spot near me ,I give him the ’its ok you can talk to me’ smile and wait .wait wait wait I do..the toothpaste effect makes me foresee a very boring future between us if any thing was to grow and from then on i wear my highway optica sunglasses and fall into a dream for him being talkative..or ay the least a tad more interesting My hair being African and natural was thoroughly messed up so I decide to visit a hairdresser. My friend has been telling me of this hairdresser in town so I decide to visit him. I enter the hair salon but I am stubborn about letting other hairdresser to caress my head and so I patiently await Mr. .cute hairdresser. And boy do I wait! Finally it’s my turn he caresses my head gently then I decide to be courteous and shower the kind guy who has to untangle through my wires of my hair with my sweet words. I ask where he ‘packs’ and yet again the toothpaste effect halts me mum Lordi oh lordi these toothpaste effects are too many in just one week. Maybe its only me who gets affected by the toothpaste effects. or who is allergic to bad breath, vibeless and quiet guys as well as accents and slow people .well whether am the only one or not toothpaste effects are a major no no in todays society. if you are not eloquent then avoid speaking to much if you have bad breath issues then seek help and finally if you have nothing to say that makes sense,builds or even helps the other person then please do not say it.
i love her this so. yo my dear siz
I love her this so ….
A cold wind of fear passes over me at every thought of her
Precious her, strong her, s-heroic her
With every passing second a tear tries to commit suicide
But I stop it
Trying to wear fragrance of strength a smile of surety and a helmet of confidence
She is the second mother to me
The best friend
The elder sister
The s-hero
The comedian
The focused on
The pace setter
The fit on
Lifestyle , beauty consultant
Battling thoughts creeping into me
Thoughts my mother would call from the devils master plan
Torn between prayer, hope, wishing, crossing of fingers
I know she will be fine my soul tells me
I believe she will be fine my conscious whispers
My outer screaming she’s fine
But what do I really know, believe and feel.
Everything happens for a reason so I believe
What is the reason for this?
How much confidence can I continue building up
How much faith should I gather up?
A weak soul
Confused heart
Undecided gut
But a sure mind
A sure alter ego
A sure conviction
It will be well…
A cold wind of fear passes over me at every thought of her
Precious her, strong her, s-heroic her
With every passing second a tear tries to commit suicide
But I stop it
Trying to wear fragrance of strength a smile of surety and a helmet of confidence
She is the second mother to me
The best friend
The elder sister
The s-hero
The comedian
The focused on
The pace setter
The fit on
Lifestyle , beauty consultant
Battling thoughts creeping into me
Thoughts my mother would call from the devils master plan
Torn between prayer, hope, wishing, crossing of fingers
I know she will be fine my soul tells me
I believe she will be fine my conscious whispers
My outer screaming she’s fine
But what do I really know, believe and feel.
Everything happens for a reason so I believe
What is the reason for this?
How much confidence can I continue building up
How much faith should I gather up?
A weak soul
Confused heart
Undecided gut
But a sure mind
A sure alter ego
A sure conviction
It will be well…
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