yesterday i cried

The last week has been a good week but had its own share of tit bits of ‘small’ drama that I let go, perhaps this pile up of emotion led to my breakdown last night.

Yesterday, I cried...
Tears a sign of unity with the heart,
To some a sign of weakness,
To some a sign of deep emotion
And to me a sign of complete tear...

Yesterday I cried...
If you ask me tears have classifications,
Tears of joy
Of pain, hurt and anger
Of despair
Of excitement, expectation and bewilderment

Yesterday,
I would have cried tears of joy bewilderment
Because I had an exciting day but instead
Bitter tears of pain, hurt and anger rolled down

With every bit of skin they touched
It felt like salt onto a wound
For every tear that left my eye
It felt like the nail was pushed harder.
Am a tough cookie to crack
But yesterday I cried...

I cried at the realization that
I was loving those that hurt while I was hurting those who loved me.
When I realized that a gun was over my head
To le go of one thing that is so intimate
I felt like a mother being touched her last kid by a court of law to an abusive husband

Watching I an do bad all by myself for the fourth or fifth time
Made me feel a slight connect with Jennifer and April
When the people you are supposed to look up to
Are your worst nightmare..

When you love with all your heart
When you can’t stop loving because they are a permanent fixture
Part of you,
When you would swim in an ocean over winter for them
But they wouldn’t swim in a pool over summer for you

I will do one thing ‘you’ taught me mother
Love those that hurt you
And make them question their hate towards you
Make them com back on a bended knee…

Am unclear if am letting go of my clutching straw

But mama it HURTS…